Women Are From Spin Class and Men Are Lost In Space

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Bill Roth The Boomer Generation DietWE JOINED A HEALTH CLUB a couple of months ago. My wife wanted more strenuous exercise than walking our dog Cooper. Proud of her.

Her first month of exercise was defined by a machine that simulated walking up stairs. It was strategically positioned directly in front of a TV hung from the ceiling. Earplugs in. Eyes up. Step. Step. Step. Step.

“How was exercise today,” I asked?

“I just love that Fixer Upper show. Joanne is so cute. Chip can be funny.”

Obviously that was not what I expected to hear from a “how was exercise” question.

I was immediately on guard.

Was this another mind game women play on men? What happens if I agree that Joanne is cute? Will I be branded with “men!” if I think Chip’s craziness works for me?

Who knew a step machine could create such minefields?

Then in month two at the health club my life was forever changed. She attended her first spin class.

“OMG. It was intense. Did you know Marshall’s is having a sale. Taylor called. Butter Bean is waging his tail over the new toy I got him. Let’s do Mexican for dinner. Need to get a shower.”

Boom! She brain drain slimed me.

Spin class had overdosed her with self-generated endorphins. Her endorphin rush did not end after the shower. She emerged declaring her life could not go on if she did not repaint the bathroom cabinets. This also included rehanging the bathroom cabinet doors.

Paint flew. A hand held electric drill roared. My efforts at writing stopped with a shouted curse word. Medial alert! A spin class endorphin rush can not compensate for cabinet door screws that were incorrectly sized by the hinge supplier.

After I had hung the cabinets I then heard these words that now shape my life.

“I love spin class.”

The great spin shoe search

“Home!”

A word expressed like she was delivering world peace.

“OMG, what a class. My instructor was amazed at how hard I worked.”

No real pause before delivering this next statement.

“I need spin shoes!”

That last statement yanked from my mind the sentence I was trying to type. My home life was at risk if I did not pay immediate attention. Stupidly, I gave my honest opinion.

“What’s wrong with the tennis shoes you are wearing?”

I will never make that mistake again!

“What?”

That was not a question. She delivered it as a curse word for a male so insensitive to women that he should never again feel a soft touch or a warm kiss.

“Tennis shoes?”

Delivered with the same coldness I felt when I did not make Valentine Day dinner reservation.

“Why do you think they are called TENNIS shoes?”

Expressed in a manner that left no doubt that Cooper and I are in an IQ competition and I am losing.

“My spin class instructor says I need a spin shoe that supports my heel. You know I have thin heels!”

Thus began the quest for the perfect spin class shoe. Things have gotten off to a rocky start.

She found a pair she loved in a fluorescent lime green with yellow trim. (Shoe color is apparently extremely important to spin class success.) Despite their brightly stated fashion appeal these shoes had a critical flaw. At the first wearing the spin instructor was aghast.

“I bought soccer shoes!”

I gave her what I hoped was my supportive husband look. Then I rushed to the backyard and started a project that immediately covered me in dirt.

“What are you doing? I wanted you to come with me to shop for spin shoes.”

“Oh babe, I am so sorry. I didn’t realize. I could stop and take a shower.”

Note to self. Must study Cooper. He does the ‘sorry I didn’t mean to look’ so much better. But he also a coward. Cooper heads under the bed as soon as he hears her pull into the garage from spin class.

Spin class good news

Happy wife, happy life. What loving father has not explained that to his son?

So I live with spin class. The perfect spin shoes still awaits discovery. But where there are TJ Maxx or Marshall stores there is always hope.

I even attended a second spin class with my wife because it rained again in San Diego. I now believe even more strongly in climate change. It never rains in San Diego. Climate change is ruining my life!

But my wife is very happy. Spin class makes her feel great. One of her friends just told her she looks thinner.

Happy wife, happy life!

About the author

Bill Roth is a clean tech pioneer who led the team that launched the first hydrogen fueled Prius. He is a featured contributor on Triple Pundit and Latin Business Today. His book, The Secret Green Sauce, has been used by thousands of business people to implement proven green best practices that make money and a difference. Bill’s latest book, The Boomer Generation Diet, is his personal story on how to achieve sustained weight loss while still having fun and living more. The book’s ten customizable best practices are the sustainable solutions to our national weight crisis that threatens our health and medical cost bankruptcy.

About Bill Roth

Bill Roth is the founder of Earth 2017, author of The Secret Green Sauce and a nationally-followed contributor to Entrepreneur.com, Triple Pundit, The Green Economy Post and Media Post on best business practices emerging from the smart, healthy and green global economy. He coaches entrepreneurs, business and community leaders on how to grow revenues, profits and jobs by going smart and green.
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